EL SHOW DE FRANK ZAPPA

EL SHOW DE FRANK ZAPPA

por Arroyero

El 28 de febrero de 1982 Frank Zappa participó como invitado en un programa de la Radio 1 de la BBC. Durante dos horas eligió y comentó varios temas que le gustaban especialmente, desde Captain Beefheart a Queen, pasando por él mismo.
Aquí va la continuación del show que hizo Zappa como disc jokey, primero en inglés y luego mi traducción.

This is the best radio show you’ve ever heard, in your life!
Track 1: “I’m In The Music Business” - Jeff Simmons
That was Jeff Simmons with “I’m In The Music Business” and this is Frank Zappa being a fraudulent disc jockey on BBC 1. And the next thing you’re going to hear is a song that my children really like, its called “Straight Lines”, by New Music.
Track 2: “Straight Lines” - New Music
We’re gonna’ do something now that, er, they don’t usually like to have done on this particular radio station, and that is segue one record into another, but I think that its appropriate to make this segue because, er, these are two of my very favourite records and I think they should be heard as a pair. The first is “The Closer You Are” by The Channels, and this will lead directly into “Hyperprisms” by Edgar Froese.
Track 3: “The Closer You Are” - The ChannelsTrack 4: “Hyperprisms” - Edgar Froese (Edgar Varese)
You’ve just heard “The Closer You Are” by The Channels and “Hyperprisms” by Edgar Froese, or ‘Varase’ [FZ pronounces Froese as 'Varess' and offers an alternative], depending on how good your pronounciation of the names of famous composers that you can’t pronounce too good. Froese was a really cool guy. The only thing that he did that was wrong was he stopped composing for 25 years because people gave him a bad time. If people wouldn’t have given him a bad time, he could have been writing for 25 more years and there would be 25 more years worth of stuff like that for the people who like that kind of stuff. But most people don’t, so this is “Jesus Just Left Chicago” by ZZ Top.
Track 5: “Jesus Just Left Chicago” - ZZ TopTrack 6: “Golden Birdies” - Captain Beefheart
Well, you know what that means! And its time - oh that was, er, Captain Beefheart in case you didn’t know, and prior to that was, er, ZZ Top with “Jesus Just Left Chicago” and I don’t know whether they play very much of, er, ZZ Top kind of music in this country; it seems a little bit too *robust* for the countryside from what I’ve been able to detect. But if you go for that kind of stuff, I recommend a song called “The Mexican Blackbird” on, er, one of their other albums. Have you heard that one? Ah it has a good line in there. You should check out “The Mexican Blackbird”. Er and now we have “I Live In A Car” by the UK Subs.
Track 7: “I Live In A Car” - UK SubsTrack 8: “Soul Motion” - Don Harris
This is Radio 1, and this is Frank Zappa, and this is the best radio show you’ve ever heard in your life. And, of course, what wonderful radio show would be complete without a performance by Don Harris on violin and a bunch a’ guys in the background that you can just barely hear playing trombones and saxophones and stuff that I never knew was there until I put these earphones on. Can you hear? That is the weirdest mix I’ve ever heard in my life. They’re in there; they must have spent another 25 dollars to hire those guys and you can barely hear ‘em! Anyway, that was called “Soul Motion”, and before that you heard “I Live In A Car” by the UK Subs. And in case you didn’t know I chose all of these records because I like these songs for various, er, reasons. And the next one - we’re going to play two in a row again, because these things should be heard together - this is “All Tomorrow’s Parties”, by The Velvet Underground followed by the “Royal March” from “L’Histoire du Soldat” by Igor Stravinsky. Take it away!
Track 9: “All Tomorrow’s Parties” - The Velvet UndergroundTrack 10: “Royal March” [from "A Soldier's Tale"] - Igor Stravinsky
That was “All Tomorrow’s Parties” by The Velvet Underground, with, er, Nico singing, and the “Royal March” from “L’Histoire du Soldat” by Igor Stravinsky. And this is Radio 1 and I’m Frank Zappa playing a bunch of records that I like. Track 11: “Iron Man” - Black Sabbath
[voiceover] I don’t care what you say - I still like Black Sabbath!
Track 12: “Lucky Number” - Lena Lovitch
OK, that’s, er, Lena Lovitch with “Lucky Number” and before that you heard “Iron Man”, by Black Sabbath. And now its time for the “Eureka Springs Garbage Lady” by the GTOs.
Track 13: “Eureka Springs Garbage Lady” - GTOs
I..[My tape auto-changed direction]..[the GTOs] used to exist a long time ago this is a *very rare* album and, er, he had one! That guy in there [Radio 1 engineer] he had one and he brought it in here so, er, we could, er, play it on this show. Actually, if you get another chance you gotta’ try and talk somebody else who does one of these ’star specials’ into playing “I’m In Love With The Ooh-Ooh Man” which is another good cut from this record. Anyway, here’s another song that I like: This is “Killer Queen” by Queen.
Track 14: “Killer Queen” - QueenTrack 15: “Mannish Boy” - Muddy Waters & Johnny Winter
Ahhh, a refreshing rendition of “Mannish Boy” by Muddy Waters with Johnny Winter’s band and before that “Killer Queen” by Queen. And now, the *hottest* thing to come out of Manchester in at least 15 minutes, is this record by a group called Jerry and The Holograms. When I was in New York I was doing a disc jockey show on a station there and I played this song all week and it got really good response and I think it ought to be a *hit* in this country too because its a nice record; its a nice, wholesome, family kind of a record so lets go for it!
Track 16: “Jerry And The Holograms” - Jerry and The Holograms

Esta es la mejor radio que has escuchado en tu vida!
Tema 1: “I’m In The Music Business” - Jeff Simmons
Eso fue Jeff Simmons con “I’m In The Music Business” y éste es Frank Zappa, disc jockey fraudulento en la BBC 1. Y lo próximo que vamos a escuchar es una canción que mis hijos realmente adoran, la canción llamada “Straight Lines”, de New Music.
Tema 2: “Straight Lines” - New Music
Vamos a hacer algo ahora que, eh, no les suele gustar a esta emisora, y es un segue (dos temas unidos), pero creo que es adecuado hacerlo ahora porque, ER, estos son dos de mis temas favoritos y creo que deben ser oídas como un par. La primera es “The Closer You Are” por The Channels, y esto conducirá directamente a “Hyperprisms” por Edgar Froese.
Tema 3: “The Closer You Are” - The ChannelsTema 4: “Hyperprisms” - Edgar Froese
Acaba de escuchar “The Closer You Are” por The Channels y “Hyperprisms” por Edgar Froese, o ‘Varase’ [FZ pronuncia Froese en lugar de Varese y ofrece una alternativa], dependiendo de cómo sea de buena su pronunciación de los nombres de famosos compositores que no se pueden pronunciar muy bien. Froese, era un tipo genial. Lo único que hizo incorrecto fue dejar de componer durante 25 años porque la gente le hizo pasar un mal rato. Si la gente no le hubieran hecho pasar el mal rato podía haber sido escrito más de 25 años y habría 25 años más de cosas como éstas para la gente que le gusta ese tipo de cosas. Sin embargo, a la mayoría de la gente no, por lo que este es “Jesus Just Left Chicago” de ZZ Top.
Tema 5: “Jesus Just Left Chicago” - ZZ TopTema 6: “Golden Birdies” - Captain Beefheart
Bueno, ya sabes lo que eso significa! Y su tiempo - que fue oh, ER, Captain Beefheart en el caso de que no lo supieras y antes de eso fue, ER, ZZ Top con “Jesus Just Left Chicago” y no sé si tocan mucha música de, er, ZZ Top en este país, que parece un poco demasiado robusto para lo que he podido detectar. Pero si te te gustan ese tipo de cosas, recomiendo una canción llamada “The Mexican Blackbird” de, er, uno de sus otros álbumes. ¿Lo has oido? Ah tiene una buena frase. Escuchen “The Mexican Blackbird”. Er y ahora tenemos “I Live In A Car” por UK Subs.
Tema 7: “I Live In A Car” - UK SubsTema 8: “Soul Motion” - Don Harris
Ésto es Radio 1, y éste es Frank Zappa, y esta es la mejor radio que has escuchado en tu vida. Y, por supuesto, qué maravillosa emisora de radio estaría completa sin la actuación de Don Harris con un violín y un montón de chicos en el fondo que usted apenas se pueden oír con trombones y saxofones y cosas que no sabía que estaban allí hasta que me puse estos auriculares.
¿Lo oyes? Esa es la mezcla mas extraña que he escuchado en mi vida. Están ahí, Se debieron gastar 25 dólares mas para contratar a los muchachos y apenas se les puede oír! De todos modos, se llamó “Soul Motion”, y antes usted escuchó “I Live In A Car” de UK Subs. Y por si no lo sabe escogí todos estos discos porque me gustan por diversas, er, razones. Y a continuación una - vamos a poner dos seguidas de nuevo, porque estas cosas deben ser oídas juntas - se trata de “All Tomorrow’s Parties”, de The Velvet Underground seguida por la “Royal March” de “L’Histoire du Soldat” de Igor Stravinsky. Llévatelo!
Tema 9: “All Tomorrow’s Parties” - The Velvet UndergroundTema 10: “Royal March” [de "La Historia del soldado"] - Igor Stravinsky
Eso fue “All Tomorrow’s Parties” por The Velvet Underground con, er, Nico cantando, y la “Royal March” de “L’Histoire du Soldat” de Igor Stravinsky. Y esto es Radio 1 y éste es Frank Zappa poniendo un montón de discos que me gustan.
Tema 11: “Iron Man” - Black Sabbath[voz] No me importa lo que digan - Me gustan Black Sabbath!
Tema 12: “Lucky Number” - Lena Lovitch
OK, eso es, er, Lena Lovitch con “Lucky Number” y antes escucharon “Iron Man”, de Black Sabbath. Y ahora es el momento de “Eureka Springs Garbage Lady” por las GTOS.
Tema 13: “Eureka Springs Garbage Lady” - GTOs
LAs GTO´s existieron hace mucho tiempo y éste es uno disco muy raro y, er, ése tenía uno! Ese tipo (Un ingeniero de Radio 1) tenía uno y lo trajo para que lo pusiéramos en este show. En realidad, si tienen la oportunidad deberían decirle a otra de sus estrellas especiales que pusiera “I’m In Love With The Ooh-Ooh Man” que es otro buen corte de este disco. De todos modos, aquí está otra canción que me gusta: “Killer Queen” de Queen.
Tema 14: “Killer Queen” - QueenTema 15: “Mannish Boy” - Muddy Waters y Johnny Winter
Ahhh, una refrescante versión de “Mannish Boy” de Muddy Waters con la banda de Johnny Winter y antes fué “Killer Queen” de Queen. Y ahora, lo mejor que ha salido de Manchester en, al menos,los últimos 15 minutos: un grupo llamado Jerry and the Holograms. Cuando estuve en Nueva York haciendo un especial como disc jockey pùse esta canción toda la semana y tuvo muy buena
respuesta y creo que debería ser un hit en este país también porque es un muy buen disco, un agradable, completo, y del tipo familiar asi que vayamos a por él:
Tema 16: “Jerry And The Holograms” - Jerry And The Holograms

Track 17: “Sweet Home Alabama” - Lynyrd Skynyrd
When I was in New York I went to this, er, club, called the Mudd Club, and I was a disc jockey there for a night and I brought in a bunch of records and tried them out on the clientele at this particular establishment. One toon that got their buttocks pumping up and down in quite a frenzied manner was this next number, erm, by The Plastics. Its called “Robot”.
Track 18: “Robot” - The Plastics
That was, er, “Robot” by The Plastics, a Japanese ensemble. And, er, in order to truly appreciate the nuances involved in this particular production you have to imagine it being played over a really loud disco system in a room that’s concrete with no decorations and, er, a guy about 6-foot-5, with a blue mohawk and a black leather jacket, dancing to it, and it suddenly comes alive in your imagination. And now, this, er, its time for a little romance. This is Radio 1 and, of course, Frank Zappa being an artificial disc jockey momentarily. Here is a really good song that is probably older than you are.
Track 19: “Desiree” - The ChartsTrack 20: “I Am The Walrus” - The Beatles
Now wasn’t that wonderful? Just sitting here today, so sophisticated as we all are, in this modern age that we call The Eighties, and to be able to hear something like that with thousands of people in the background on that record saying ‘everybody smoke pot’. It makes you want to tighten your headband and stick a flower in the end of somebody’s gun. Anyway, before that you heard “Desiree” by The Charts, and that was, of course, “I Am The Walrus” by The Beatles, and this is “Soldier Soldier” by Spizz Energy.
Track 21: “Soldier Soldier” - Spizz Energy
Did you know that heaven is in your mind?
Track 22: “Heaven Is In Your Mind” - TrafficTrack 23: “I’m Working For The Federal Bureau Of Narcotics” - Wild Man Fischer
Well, I’m sure you know that that was Wild Man Fischer and right before that you heard Traffic with “Heaven Is In Your Mind”. And, that guy in there asked me to say something about Wild Man Fischer and one thing that you must remember is that he actually *is* a Wild Person. He lives in the street and, er, sleeps in places where, er, it is possible for natural objects to accumulate in his hair; and on his clothes; and elsewhere in secret parts of his personage that you don’t find out about until its too late if you’re a girl. And Larry *is* dangerous; er, he has brothers and other relatives and some of them have been attacked by Larry. I think it was his brother who had his chest-bone broken with a ball-peen hammer at UCLA shortly before this album was made. They were walking towards each other on the campus; Larry had the hammer; and his brother had the bad luck. And the name of this song is “Paint It Black”.
Track 24: “Paint It Black” - The Rolling Stones
You know what’s really good about that record? Is the way the bass part is there ‘n’then where he’s going ‘wooom, wooom’ [that's what it sounds like!] like that, that’s really exhilarating, its probably the, one of the finest things that’s ever happened in British Rock. Don’t you think? Aside from what you just told me about the liner notes on that album, I haven’t had a chance to read them personally, but, er, that guy in there told me that there’s a part on the record cover that says, and I’m quoting him now, he’s probably paraphrasing this, but the record says that in 1967, Brian Jones took to the sitar like a native. What do you make of that? Anyway, this is “Caravan Man” by Lew Lewis and his band.
Track 25: “Caravan Man” - Lew LewisTrack 26: “Cycle Sluts” - John Cooper Clark
Well, there’s your whimper. And now, for another person with exquisite diction, the Howling Wolf, with “I Asked Her For Water And She Brought Me Gasoline”.
Track 27: “I Asked Her For Water And She Brought Me Gasoline” - Howling WolfTrack 28: “Summertime Blues” - The Flying Lizards
Yes, that was The Flying Lizards with their ‘petulant minimalism’, as it says on the back of their single sleeve, and that was “Summertime Blues”. I really like that style that they’re performing that particular song in. And if they’re listening, and I hope they are, there’s a couple of other toons that I would like to hear done in that same style. I’d just like to recommend a sample repertoire for The Flying Lizards; I think they should do “Ruby Tuesday”, they should also do “Paperback Writer”, and, erm, “Last Train To Clarkesdale”, or “Clarkesville” or whatever it was, y’know, heh, give the guys a break. Anyway, this is “My White Bicycle” by Tomorrow.
Track 29: “My White Bicycle” - Tomorrow
Well, a lot of you fetishists out there probably wouldn’t recognise it because its being played backwards, but that was Steve Howe [of Yes] on guitar on that particular, er, in that particular group. And the song that used to be the B-side of that, erm, cut, when it was a single, was a toon called “Claremount Lake”. Remember that? That had some even more interesting guitar formalities on it. Anyway, here’s a song that, er, I heard in a disco one time and I really liked it. I didn’t know what it was; I couldn’t make out the words to it, I just thought it had a good toon. And I was really, er, shocked and chagrined when I found out exactly what it was that I was enjoying. But, er, its still a nice song. Its called “Grease” and its by Frankie Valli and was written by Barry Gibb[!].
Track 30: “Grease” - Frankie Valli
And the word is Radio 1 and this is Frank Zappa about to play the last selection on my artificial disc jockey program. And before I disappear into the wilderness I want to thank Graham, Martin and Trevor, and remind you that next on Radio 1 its Alexis Korner. Now they have allowed me, erm, here on this radio station, to actually play one of my own toons on this radio show, and for this fact I will be *deeply* indebted to them forever, and, er, I’ve chosen as my one representative item from the repertoire that I can squeeze in here, a song called “Watermelon In Easter Hay”. And I will now provide you with a piece of information about the ~title: That’s not the complete title of this song. The *real* title of this song is “Playing A Guitar Solo With This Band Is Like Trying To Grow A Watermelon In Easter Hay”. And that’s where it came from. From me, Frank Zappa, goodbye!
Track 31: “Watermelon In Easter Hay” - Frank Zappa
Y ahora, una traducción:
Track 17: “Sweet Home Alabama” - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Cuando estuve en Nueva York fui a este, er, club, llamado el Mudd Club, e hice de discjockey una noche y me llevé un montón de discos y los probé con la clientela del lugar. Una de las canciones que hizo mover los culos arriba y abajo de forma bastante frenética fue este siguiente tema de The Plastics. Se llama “Robot”
Track 18: “Robot” - The Plastics
Esto fue, er, Robot de The Plastics, una banda japonesa. Y para poder apreciar adecuadamente los matices de la escena debéis imaginaros oirla muy fuerte en una habitación de cemento sin ninguna decoración y con un tipo de, er, dos metros, mohawk azul y chaqueta de cuero negro bailando al ritmo, y la imagen se hará realidad en vuestra imaginación. Y ahora, esto…, es el momento de algo romántico. Ësto es radio 1 y, por supuesto, Frank Zappa como DJ artificial de forma temporal. A continuación un tema realmente bueno que probablemente es mas viejo que vosotros.
Track 19: “Desiree” - The ChartsTrack 20: “I Am The Walrus” - The Beatles
¿No ha sido maravilloso? Sentarse hoy aquí, con lo sofisticados que somos, en esta edad moderna que llaman los ochenta, y poder oir algo como ésto con miles de personas al fondo diciendo “todos fumaban marihuana”. Hace que quieras apretar tu cinta de la cabeza y meterle una flor a alguien por el cañón de su pistola. De todas formas, antes que eso escucharon “Desiree” por The Charts y éso fue, por supuesto, “I am the Walrus” de Los Beatles, y a continuación va “Soldier Soldier, de Spizz Energy.
Track 21: “Soldier Soldier” - Spizz Energy
¿Sabías que el paraiso está en tu cabeza?
Track 22: “Heaven Is In Your Mind” - TrafficTrack 23: “I’m Working For The Federal Bureau Of Narcotics” - Wild Man Fischer
Seguro que sabíais que ésto ha sido Wild Man Fischer y antes que él oyeron a Traffic con “Heaven Is In Your Mind”. Y, aquél tipo me pidió que dijera algo sobre Wild Man Fischer y hay algo que debéis recordar, y es que realmente es un tipo salvaje (wild). Vive en la calle y, er, duerme en sitios con gran posibilidad de que cosas, er, se acumulen en su pelo, y en sus ropas, y en todas las partes íntimas de este personaje que no descubres hasta que es demasiado tarde si eres una chica. Y Larry “es” peligroso, er, tiene hermanos y hermanas que han sido atacados por él. Creo que fue su hermano al que rompió el esternón con un martillo de cabeza redonda en la Universidad de Los Angeles poco antes de hacer este disco. Estaban caminando el uno hacia el otro en el camous, Larry tenía el martillo, y su hermano tuvo la mala suerte. Y el nombre de esta canción es “Paint It Black”.
Track 24: “Paint It Black” - The Rolling Stones
¿Sabéis lo que es realmente bueno de este tema? La forma en que el bajo va aquí y allá boom boom (Así se oye). Me gusta, es realmente estimulante. Es una de las mejores cosas que han pasado en el rock británico, no creéis? Aparte de las cosas que me habeis contado que se diden en las notas del libretdisco, no he tenido ocasión de leeerlas personalmente, aquel tipo de allí me dijo que hay una parte en la portada que dice, y le estoy citando, probablemente lo está adaptando, pero el disco dice que en 1967 Brian Jones tocaba el sitar como un nativo. Que os parece?, bueno pues ésto es “Caravan Man”, de Lew Lewis y su grupo.
Track 25: “Caravan Man” - Lew LewisTrack 26: “Cycle Sluts” - John Cooper Clark
Allá va vuesto aullido. Y ahora, otra persona con una dicción exquisita, Howling Wolf con “I Asked Her For Water And She Brought Me Gasoline”.
Track 27: “I Asked Her For Water And She Brought Me Gasoline” - Howling WolfTrack 28: “Summertime Blues” - The Flying Lizards
Si, esos fueron The Flying Lizards con su “minimalismo pretencioso”, como dice la contraportada del single y eso fue “Summertime Blues”. Realmente me gusta la forma en que interpretan esae tema en particular. Y si me están escuchando, y espero que lo estén, hay un par de canciones que me encantaría oir en ese estilo. Me gustaría recomendar a The Flying Lizards. Creo que deberían tocar “Ruby Tuesday”, y también “Paperback Writer” y, er, “Last Train to Clarksdale”, o “Clarkesville”, o como se llame, sabés, ¡vaos!, dejad a estos chicos en paz!. Bueno, pues ahora va “My White Bicycle”, de Tomorrow.
Track 29: “My White Bicycle” - Tomorrow
Muchos de los fetichistas de ahí fuera probablemente no le reconoceréis porque está tocando al revés, pero ése era Steve Howe a la guitarra en ese, er, ese grupo tan peculiar. Y la canción era la cara B de ese, er, corte, como sencillo era “Claremont Lake”. ¿La recordáis?, tenía incluso cosas mas curiosas con la guitarra. Bueno, pues ahora va una canción que, er, oi en una disco una vez y realmente me gustó. Nos abía loq ue era, no podía entender la letra, solo pensé que era un buen tema. Y me sorprendí, aluciné y, er, mortifiqué cuando por fin que era loq ue estaba disfrutando. Bueno, todavia es una gran canción. Se llama “Grease” y es de Frankie Valli y fue escrita por Barry Gibb.
Track 30: “Grease” - Frankie Valli

Y la palabra de hoy es Radio 1 y soy Frank Zappa a punto de poner el último tema en mi programa como DJ artificial. Y antes de desaparecer quisiera agradecer a Graham, Martin y Trevor, y recordaros que el próximo en Radio 1 es Alexis Korner. Y ahora me han permitido, er, aquí en la emisora, poner una de mis propias canciones en el show, y por dicho motivo estaré agradecido para siempre y, er, he elegido como representación mia un tema de mi repertorio que puedo tocar, y que se llama “Watermelon In Easter Hay”. Y ahora voy a daros algo de información sobre el título. Ése no es el título completo del tema. El nombre “real” de esta canción es “Playing A Guitar Solo With This Band Is Like Trying To Grow A Watermelon In Easter Hay” (Tocar un solo de guitarra con esta banda es como intentar criar una sandía en Pascua), y de ahí viene. De todo corazón, Frank Zappa, adiós!
Track 31: “Watermelon In Easter Hay” - Frank Zappa